19 weeks... new update.

So i thought maybe a time for an update seen as the last time i wrote was 10 weeks ago... I say it time and time again... i am a really bad blogger....lol

I am now 19 weeks in to this pregnancy with our little princess.... Yep we are having a GIRL...
We had an amino at 15 weeks and got news 2 weeks later that bubby is healthy.. So we celebrated by telling the world... starting with Miss O..
It was the hardest job keeping it a secret from a 6 year old but i really wanted to protect her and make sure bub was OK and we had the best chance at bringing a baby home..
She is over the moon and just cant wait to feel the baby kick... which she seems to miss every time at this stage.. I however am loving the little kicks from the babe. I also brought a heart monitor...just a cheap one from eBay, that works great and reassures me when i need it. Miss O has also loved listening to the bubs heartbeat.
Daddy felt the baby kick for the first time the other week, such a special moment.
I'm feeling really good, still have the occasional freak out moment... but I'm sure as a babyloss mum i am entitled to these moments.
I really am trying to enjoy every moment... in case we chose this to be our last ( but i am highly doubting that i could say no to a few more rounds of ivf to get another miracle) but hey one at a time...hehe
I really thought i might be having a boy (all my cravings pointed to it )then the last few weeks before the amino i was slightly undecided so I'm just amazed that it is a little girl.
This means buying all new pink stuff and getting the room ready..which  has gotten me super excited, even though I've kinda stalled at buying a cot set...such a hard choice.. :o)

So next week i just have to get through the 20 week scan, which I'm excited and scared about.. the we are half way there.

Glad to hear there is some awesome news coming from the world of blogger.... lots of egg retrievals and frozen transfers and new pregnancies, GOOD LUCK to all.

Much love and wishes to everyone.. xx

grateful and stressed

So here we are just over 9 weeks pregnant and still bleeding...
I had a scan at 7 weeks and bubby measured right on track after a massive gush of bright red blood..
Had another scan at 8 weeks after bleeding for 5 days bubby still there and nice heart beat... now been bleeding all week and don't have a doctors appointment for another 2 weeks... think i might try bring it forward..
I am stressed to say the least..
don't get me wrong i am so grateful that this baby is hanging in there.. i just feel that any moment it could all end and i am on edge all day everyday..
I want to enjoy these moments so when i have a beautiful baby in my arms i can laugh about it (well maybe not laugh) but i feel that the bleeding is sucking everything out of me and i have nothing left...

We have worked so hard to get here, and i am in total love with this little one inside me..
I have read that some times its all OK and they never find a cause for the bleeding but that is hard to try understand.. I want a reason and to know my baby is OK..

Thanks for the rant, i hope to feel more sain again soon... If you could spare some positive thoughts it would be much appreciated. x


Today is Fathers Day... so Happy Fathers day to all the daddy's and all the daddy's to angels out there..

Happy fathers day to my man, he is the best father and man i know. I hope next fathers day we have a little addition to make the day even more special.

Update...

Just a quick update from the other days post.
The bleeding has stopped...Thank God....
I got in for a scan first thing Monday morning and there was a tiny baby, measuring just under 6 weeks (she said it is hard to measure accurately when they are that small) and the best thing of all is there was a beautiful little heart beating away @127bpm.
My ovaries were covered in a few cysts.. mainly from the ivf and she could not seem to see a bleed.
I get to pick the report up tomorrow so i will see what it says.. but so far it has calmed my nerves.. Fingers crossed it all stays well.
Thanks for the well wishes, it was much appreciated.

Fingers crossed all is ok.!

So this wasn't the announcement i had hoped for, but today i could really use the extra prays and good thoughts.

So after our IVF a few weeks ago... we were so excited to get a BFP...
Everything seemed to be going great, then today  @ 6 weeks.....i started bleeding.
I'm remaining positive and went for bloods today to see how my levels are.
I am praying so hard that everything is going to be OK.
I did bleed with one of my other pregnancies, and we lost him for unrelated issues so I'm trying to tell my self that it is going to be fine and the baby is growing well.
If you could spare a positive thought for me and my little bean tonight it would be much appreciated.

One Beautiful Embryo

So my TWO WEEK WAIT begins.
We got the wonderful news that one of our embryos survived and was looking good.... i was over the moon. I nearly burst out crying to the guy on the phone...
I went in on Wednesday for transfer..  and all went smoothly and they said that the embryo was great and look exactly like it should. (very good sign)
So now we wait and pray.
I'm feeling so lucky and blessed right now... to know that there is a little healthy embryo inside..
I really really hope this is the one for us.. it is amazing how much peace i feel at the moment, going from feeling that this cycle was taking a nose dive and stressing like crazy to now having a embryo transferred,, it feels nice to relax alittle..
Here is to the next two weeks, and hoping that our little bean sticks. x

A lonely Two

So my egg retrieval was 2 days ago, we got 6 eggs.. which was good, not great but still good... was really hoping for more but we could work with 6.

Then yesterday we got the devastating news that only 2 survived the night and fertilised. I was beyond devastated.
2 is all we have left... i know it only takes one!!!!! but to only have two to work with is just so upsetting. I feel like i have gone through all of this for nothing. I refuse to lose hope but when we keep getting knocked down it is so hard.

I'm not really the praying type but i am praying so hard that these two little ones stay strong and continue to grow.. i will be updated on Monday to see how they are, then i wont know til wed when i go in for transfer if any have survived..

Hope you will all send positive thoughts are way. xx

Happy Due Date Angel. xx

Yesterday was my Due Date for my Angel Sienna..
How i wish yesterday could have been different.. i should have had the hugest belly and had a pretty pink nursery all set up. I would have been so ready for her. I was ready for her, I wanted her so so much. Some times it feels all like a bad dream.
I didn't really do anything... I was sad all day.
I Just hope she knows how loved she is and how much we really wanted to bring her home..

IVF Update: So yesterday was extra crappy as i went in for a scan to check on my progress.. I had only about 5 follicles that were the right size or headed that way.. I'm pretty upset. Last cycle i was 2 days behind this and my count was way better and this time my dose is a little higher.. i know it doesn't spell doom... my clinic doesn't like you to get too many eggs and they said this was fine and not to worry.... but this time i really wanted more than last time.
so I'm a little disappointed.. I'm going through everything and I'm sure i did it all right, I'm just annoyed that my body didn't want to play the game this time..
I have decided that it is out of my hands tho and i will have to stop stressing.. tigger will be on wed night for a Friday collection.. Fingers crossed all goes to plan (my plan that is) :o)

Pin Cushion

So apart from feeling like a pin cushion, things seem to be going well. I had my scan yesterday to see how things were progressing.. and the follicles seem to be growing.. most seemed small still but it was early days.  The clinic rang and said to have a repeat scan and blood work on Monday and looks like a scheduled retrieval on the Friday.  It was either Monday or Friday but as much as i don't want to wait and do another week of meds i would rather my body be ready, so hopefully it will be by Friday.
Last night i started the second lot of injections and i can say that i am not a fan... Its a bigger needle and more pressure is required.. but it is so nice to have Mr J home to help..

On your marks.. get set....Go

So a new post from me... yay. I have to admit I'm not really a blogger i want to be, just when i think of writting a post something else always comes up..


So anyways.... IVF cycle number 2 has started... we are all Go..
Today is day 4 and my 3rd day of meds.
I really under estimated the emotional side of ivf... I've been waiting to start and have been more than ready to start and then when it came to doing my first needle i started to freak out abit... not about the needle itself but about all the factors involved....what if we don't get enough eggs... what if this fails...aaarggghh it lead to a very emotional 2 days.. but now we have started and i need to suck it up.. i need to remember it is all out of my hands and what will be will be.. and if we fail..we go again.

Overall I'm feeling fine. I did however wake up with what feels like the first of the flu, so a day on the couch it is for me... and I'm going to enjoy every second of it before my working week starts tomorrow.

Friday morning i will have a scan to see how i am progressing and Friday afternoon Mr J comes home.. i am super excited, it has been too long.. 8 long weeks does nothing for my emotions right now so it will be nice to have him home..

New Hobbie

Hi All,
Ive got to say so sorry for not being an active blogger lately. I have still been following you all but my blogger still has not been letting me comment on anyones blogs..which is very very annoying.. im hope that it fixes it self soon.
But in my spare time i have started a little keepsake project.
I get inspired so often by the babyloss mammas that i started getting some of my own inspiration.
 So Welcome to my new facebook page.

Sunshine Keepsakes.

A collection of beaded items and Suncatchers.

Hope you come on over to facebook and "like" my new page.

hmmm BLOGGER.

Ok so my blogger seems to dislike me at the moment, i have tryed to post comments on many of your blogs and it wont let me.....sad face,
So just sending some love and will try post and catch up on commenting soon.
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. xx

Let the Roller Coaster begin.

So AF came today, early mind you... wasn't enough that it had to come at all but early....hmmm!. 
I knew that it would and we had assumed i wouldn't get pregnant this month. but it cant hurt to try right?? If i did get pregnant this month it would mean i would miss out on our scheduled July IVF... but i was kind of hoping that my body would give me one last chance before another round of IVF.  Like the stories you hear... "oh i had IVF then fell pregnant naturally"....aaarrrggghh So I'm a little bit sad, sad that i feel my body fails me each time, sad that i like to think Pupo, then i always get proven wrong and sad that now the roller coaster ride begins.. I will start taking the pill tomorrow to get my cycle in sync for when Mr J is home from work and we can have our new cycle of IVF in July. I am excited to have this plan, don't get me wrong.... i just want to start, i was ready to start months ago. I'm just really ready to have a healthy baby in my belly...(then in my arms)
I'm just feeling a bit sad and sorry for my self, so bedtime for me because tomorrow is a new day.....and Mr J's Birthday so how can it not be a good day.

Now to spend the next 8 weeks getting my body in tip top shape to house a little bean... eeekk Wish me luck. xx

Happy list Saturday

My happy list for Saturday or in my case Sunday. Thanks to Natasha over at My Angel baby Aiden William for allowing this to happen and for me to be apart.

I don't have a huge list this week as Mr J went back to work yesterday for his long 8 weeks away and it always makes me feel a little glum. :(
But i am thankful for

• Ebay. I received some little packages that i had purchased his week from eBay.. so cheap..brought some beads and charms for my latest craft adventure and they were all less then half the price i could have brought them for in the shop here.
• Little things. The little things like Mr J getting to do the school drop off while i stayed in my Pj's.. and having breakfast cooked for me..
• Pasta. I love pasta and could eat it all the time, so quick to cook too.
• Coffee. Such a simple thing but nothing better than a coffee. Even went down the park and had coffee with two of my gorgeous friends today.
• Website. A new website i came across, have not really worked it out yet but it has some very cool picture. Makes me feel all creative for some reason. It is Pinterest.com
• Babyloss mummas. Although i would never wish for anyone to be apart of this group nor do i wish i was apart of it. there are some wonderful inspiring women that are going through the same thoughts and feelings and the same struggles as i am and i don't know many of them personally but from what i do know they are all awesome.

Wishing you all a wonderful week and hope happiness come to you again this week.
Much Love. x

Home After Bliss In Fiji

We are home after a wonderful week in Fiji with the in laws, it was great to relax, swim and explore. I'm still feeling like i have been hit by a bus tho.. i always feel like i need a holiday after a holiday. travelling takes so much out of me, but at least i had an extra few days before i went back to work.

Fiji was so nice, the weather was warm, the sun was shining. it only rain on the last day. Miss O had the best time swimming in the pool, she swims so well. and it was so lovely to have the in laws there to play with her...

Mr J and I celebrated our anniversary while were were there so we had a nice romantic dinner for two on the beach. It was very special.. and we even had a few cocktails ..

I'm sure i will talk more about Fiji later.....

But while i was gone, i didn't have a computer so i had a few blog updates to read when i got home... i read some wonderful things and feel the hugest need to say congratulations..

to

Mary over at The Great Elephant Symposium for her BFP.. Well done Mary and i wish you all the best.

and to

Princess Wahna Bea Mama at The Princess and the pee stick for her BFP also... this was one of the first blogs i started reading and have loved every minute of it and am so stocked for her outcome.

Much love to everyone.

Dr IVF...

Had an appointment with Dr Ivf today. I have not seen him since before our last cycle when we lost Sienna.. I was ok...no tears, well maybe a few welled up at first but then i was fine.

He is such a great doctor and really makes me feel like I'm not dumb when i ask questions.

So i told him next cycle i would really like more eggs than 7.. so he has upped my dose a little which was good, not as high as he could have went but he thinks it will be too much for me if we did. I know 7 was a good number last time considering i was in with 2 ladies- one got 4 and the other got 2.. i think it was just on the introduction dvd the lady gets 11, so i think that gave me a little false hope. He also agreed that if none of the embryos make it we can use the back up ones we have in the freezer.

So it looks like all is set for July..fingers crossed. as long as both clinics can be on standby for the second and third week when Mr J is home.

For the 20 minutes i was in there, the $85 it costs me and the 45 minute drive there and back it was a good appointment overall.. i walked out happy that again we have a plan in place.

Blogger award...Goes to me. yay

Yay, My first award THANK YOU Rachel @ a lasting footprint for giving me this. I'm really new to this blogging world so its great

Okay so the rules are :

1. Link back to the person who gave you the award
2. Tell 7 things about yourself
3. Award other bloggers - The Stylish Blogger Award is to be awarded to 10 - 15 people.
4. Notify winners


Okay let's see 7 things about me

1. I love the beauty of nature, a stunning flower or pretty clouds, a pink sunset or a white sandy beach all make me feel nice and fuzzy inside. :o)
2. I'm not very crafty but love the idea of new crafty projects... i own a sewing machine that i have used like twice..
3. I'm a bit of a clean freak..everything has its place and i like everything neat...until you look in the junk draw.
4. I'm a very emotional person..haha (always have been.) i cry very easily.
5. We are off to Fiji in less than a week, for a family holiday with the in laws...super excited.
6. Skype is one of the best inventions ever, i spend at least an hour every night talking on it to Mr J.
7. One of my Favourite colours is Orange.. It reminds me of my little loves.

So to all those i am giving this award to thank you for your wonderful blogs.. i have been reading blogs for sometime now before i started writting my own and i have loved every minute.

So the award goes to:

The pursuit of Pregnancy.

Urth mama

My Angel baby.....

for the love of baby liam

We have angel wings

the princess and the pee stick

Adventures of endo in the arctic

babies, balanced translocation and being in my 30's

Booferd

Dear Stevie.

There are so many other blogs that have been a wonderful read, so if your not here doesn't mean i don't love reading what you have to say..
Happy Easter to all. xx

HAPPY EASTER.....

What a wonderful bitter sweet day, I do like Easter but as every other event of the year it makes me miss my  loved ones.
We woke up pretty early and Miss O came in and gave me my little gift that she had brought me. it was a beautiful butterfly charm with the word "DREAM" hanging from it.. was just perfect and was placed among a few chocolate eggs and a new little Easter coffee mug..AWESOME for my Easter morning coffee... so feeling spoilt by my 6 year old we got up to see what the Easter bunny had left.. he had left a long trail of eggs to a note which then told her to find the eggs hidden around the house.. she loved it and was very spoilt.
It is truly wonderful to spend moments like that with my daughter but also makes me a tiny bit sad as she should have a 17 month old brother running around with her grabbing and wanting to eat eggs and the house filled with giggles...and i should be pregnant...  And Mr J should be home and not far away at work.....hhhhmmmmm
but as this isn't so,
we casually pottered around until we got dressed and head down to the cemetery... to visit the what i imagine as my cheeky blonde hair, blue eyed boy... we sat at his graveside and give him the little Easter trinkets we had brought and tell him how much we miss him and love him...
Driving away from the cemetery Miss O tells me she likes going to there... i tell her me too but i wish we didn't have to... sometime it feels so much like a dream...
We carry on and end up having a great day in the beautiful sunshine, followed by a yummy roast (that i cooked...well done me!)

I want to wish everyone a happy Easter and hope that your Easter isn't too hard without the love ones you are missing.
Much love. xx

Small Miracles

Every month on the 19th Franchesca at Small Bird Studios wants to celebrate hope. The promises, things, people, places, memories, signs, anything that brings us hope. She hopes this blog hop brings your day some sunshine, and some hope for tomorrow.

xo

What brings me hope? 

Today i have decided that new babies bring me hope. Two of my gorgeous friends have just had babies and they are perfect.

I feel a little bit of envy i will admit and i cant wait for the day to hold my own baby. Being a babylost mum is also very hard when there is nothing but baby talk going on and everyone is admiring this tiny new life.

But in the same moment i feel hope.. Hope for the future that i will bring home a healthy baby, i will get to be a mother again and feel that joy once more.

It also shows me that there are still beautiful things happening in the world all around us and how lucky we are to get to take part in it all.

One of my friends had her baby 5 weeks early and she was a tiny 5 pounds. she went on oxygen for about half an hour and went home in less than a week and is thriving.

To me that is a little miracle right there. What a joy she is to be around.

What's in a Name?

Naming my little blog "Love that moves the stars" was an easy choice.  It pretty much somes up the way i feel about my children.. I really feel that my love for them could move the stars, the mountains, the water...  the earth its self.. or even....well lets just say if love could move things the whole universe would have moved several times. However i cant take all the credit for the quote, i was actually struggling to find a quote for my memorial necklace..(which i will share in another post soon) i came up with all these things like " a mothers love does not forget" and "foot prints on a mothers heart" but they just didn't seem fitting this time.. i wanted it to be right and i knew once i found it it would be the one... but i could find anything and thought i may have to settle for one.
In the mean time i went away for work and found this awesome book for $2....seriously a whole $2.. at a bargin, cheap outlet book shop.
Its called "Motherlove 2" - edited by Debra Adelaide ( which is very fitting since i brought it in Adelaide)

I had a really long wait at the airport and started to read this book, i couldn't put it down.. its a collection of stories from mothers about motherhood.
So i get to the first story called Love that moves the sun.... i read the story and in it the lady had received a card from her friend who had written a quote from Dante Alighieri " Love that moves the sun and other stars"

At that moment i knew that it was exactly how i felt, especially holding my son knowing he was never coming home with us.. That powerful love that hits you.
Haydens birth flower also means star so i chose to break it down to "Love that moves that stars"

So my pendant got made and my blog got a very fitting name...

much love....xxx

Happy list Saturday/ Sunday

Yay, my first blog hop... Thanks to My Angel Baby. . . . Aiden William

So it's 4 things i am Happy for this week.

• My Mr J... sending me Flowers to work knowing i was feeling a little down this week, and they were beautiful. They were just what i needed to make me smile although he wasnt very sneaky and i knew he was up to something.. I do love fresh flowers in the house from time to time..

• Great Friends, i had coffee with two of my best friends on friday night and caught up with two of my other best friends on saturday, after my friend S had her little boy in the early hours.. So cute. I went to the hospital to meet Little H with my friend B who has just had a ltille baby girl. who was 5 weeks early and little H was already bigger than her. Tiny babies make me very happy..but very clucky and very impatient for my own.

• New ideas, i have been feeling very creative this week, which is very unusual for me... so stay tuned and we will see where that all leads.. :) I have started to make my memory board thank to amy at Treasure tags but im not sure it is ready for sharing..  but it makes me happy to think about it all.

• For sundays, love the no rush, potter around the house, staying your pj's til you want kinda of day.. work up this morning very tired but happy it was sunday.. and it is ten o'clock and im still in my pj's. But now im wondering where the fine line of relaxing on a sunday and being lazy on a sunday are... oh well ill just enjoy it..

Some things about me!!

So thought i would write a few facts about me..what ever came to my head first i wrote.

A- Asparagus... I have found a new love for this little thing.. yumm

B- Babes... I have a gorgeous daughter here on earth and two babies in heaven. My little man Hayden and tiny baby girl Sienna. I have also had a very early misscarriage, but never knew what we were having.

C- Cooking... I am not a cooking wiz, i cook to eat every night but am not in the habit of making master pieces.. when Mr J is home from work..he cooks for me every night... Love this

D- Depressed... My man working away( gone 8 weeks at a time) and thinking about how long it will be till i get a healthy baby in our arms.. these make me feel a little depressed..

E- Exercising... not a big fan.. but go to a girls boxing class now and then.

F- Fish... the only pets we have are fish.

G- Gardening... nope, we can only seem to keep a cactus alive, def not a green thumb.

H- Hayden... Again! but he is always on my mind.

I- Infertile... I would say reproductively challanged..

J- James and Jade... my babes middle names

k- Kids... would love two more.

L- Love... MR J is The LOVE of my life, such a caring, hard working and sometimes even romantic man. He is my rock, i think i need more than he would ever imagine..

M- Miss M... my daughters half sister.. such a cutie at only 4 months old.

N- Nickname... Jo is my nickname.. i much prefer Jo.

O- Miss O... my Gorgeous 6 year old. she is fun and smart and such a fashion queen already. she is also so sweet.

P- MR P.. my only sibiling... 4 years older than me.

Q- Queen... In my house i am the Queen, Mr J is the King and Miss O is the princess..(we according to her anyways)

R- Rushing... im normally always rushing out the door...either on time or late.

S- Sienna... wish you were here..

T- Teller... I work as a bank teller. and work with some amazing girls.

U- Umbrellas are not allowed to be opened in the house. silly superstition.

V- Vegies or fruit... def vegetables

W- Winter or Summer.. I hate the cold. I much prefer the warm weather.

X- X or Y chromosome.. either as long as it was healthy.

Y- Young or old... im 27.

Z- Zoo animal... I would have to pick Monkeys.

Welcome!!! 1st Post..

Just wanted to say Welcome to "love that moves the stars".
A blog about my everyday life, life as a babylost mum and our journey to have another baby. I hope you will enjoy reading and finding out thing about me. This blog is more a place for me to share thoughts, but if you find yourself understanding, nodding and even smiling from time to time then im happy my words can help.

Much love.